I had an experience recently that really tested my resiliency. What I mean is, it showed me how well I can come back to the barn for another lesson after falling off the horse. Not that I've ever ridden a horse. It also showed me why needing to use the bathroom CAN be a good thing. But anyway... I'll break down the scene for you...
It was last Wed. night, which is my regular night to go to Positive Changes Hypnosis Center. I start at 6:30pm and leave by 8pm. Depending on the week, I could have a personal coaching session or my personal session with a hypnotherapist, or it could be the week in between where I have a "class" and then what they call Accelerations. The class and accelerations are pre-recorded sessions that are delivered through headphones. The class is actually about a half hour and is also on-screen, like watching a DVD. The classes I watch cover various nutrition and health topics (I am doing a weight loss program). Accelerations are pre-recorded hypnosis sessions that are accompanied by special glasses with strobe lights in them, which are supposed to help you relax and get to a semi-conscious state. They usually have more than one voice talking at the same time into different ears, and I think ultimately they are also to help you unify your right and left brain.
So here it is Wed. night and (not surprisingly) I was the only person in class & acceleration. I was in the classroom, which is a large room with probably 10-12 super-cushy recliners and soft blankets. I picked out my chair and got comfortable, and the employee started my sessions and left the room.
Normally, I doze off a little during the accelerations, and that night was no different. What was different is that I had drunk a huge amount of water prior to leaving the office, and I woke up with the urge of a full bladder. (Sorry, I know that is TMI.) The reason I'm giving you such a personal bit of information is to illustrate that I probably wouldn't have woken up during the session... Being that they wouldn't be able to pause it, and I didn't want to miss anything, I decided to stay put until the session ended and then use the restroom before leaving the building.
The session finally ended... it was about 8pm. I took off the glasses, waited... they're usually really good at coming in right when the session ends to turn everything off and get me out the door, since they close at 8. No one came. So I got my recliner footrest back down and stood up, when I heard an alarm. It was a terrifying sound. I thought maybe there was a fire and I needed to get out of there, so I grabbed my bag and opened the door.
Alarm turned to shock and fear when I opened the door to find the lights were off and the alarm was REALLY loud. I stormed out of the room and tried to open the front door, which was locked. Then I tried for what felt like several minutes to find the light switch, which was well hidden. I looked in the other rooms to find small desk lamps turned on, but no overhead lighting. The door, being in a glass wall, had the kind of lock that requires a key instead of having a knob or anything that I could turn from the inside.
After finally finding the lights, and wondering why the police hadn't arrived yet to respond to the alarm, I was scared, angry, and by this time I seriously had to use the bathroom! (It's okay to laugh.) But I was afraid of ending up on the local news as one of those stupid criminals that tries to rob a place and gets locked in by mistake. So I decided I needed to call someone first. I scanned the area behind the front desk for contact numbers... nada. Finally, I decided this was an emergency and I tried to dial 9-1-1. I tried again three more times... I couldn't figure out how to dial out from their phones. Sheesh.
I called 9-1-1 from my cell phone, and told the dispatcher I had been forgotten about inside a business, and the employees locked me in and went home and now the alarm was going off and I was trapped. I had to talk very loudly over the alarm, so it probably sounded like I was freaking out, but it's just as well because I WAS trying not to panic. The dispatcher then asked me if I was an employee or a customer. ??? CUSTOMER!!! (Yeah, I think I did say it a bit incredulously, but in hindsight it was a valid question.)
After I gave her the location, she told me that some units were on their way and we hung up. I decided the time for the bathroom was now, or have an accident, so I went as quickly as I could to avoid being in there when the police showed up. Finally I just stood in front of the door with my arms crossed and that darn alarm blaring. Then a police officer strolled (yeah, as in "leisurely") up to me and he yelled through the glass, "Wendy?" and I nodded yes. He asked if the door was locked (I guess he has to check... I am blonde, after all...) and we confirmed that. Then he asked if I was okay. I just kinda raised an eyebrow and gave him a look, as if to say I was not injured but could really think of better places to be at the moment.
Then he told me to go to the back and look for a fire exit, and he went around the outside to meet me. This is the first floor of a three-story office building, so this office is just a suite with several rooms... not all that big of a place. I checked everywhere and found nothing but windows in some of the rooms. No red exit sign, nothing but the locked metal and glass door in front. So back at the front, he told me that he learned someone was on their way to unlock the door--he just didn't know how long it would take for them to get there. I thanked him and pointed to the other end of the window-wall, further from the alarm, and said I was going to go sit down over there.
After a few minutes, the alarm stopped. I had discovered in this experience that after so many minutes, the alarm stops. But once motion is detected again, it will go off again. So I sat in the chair in the corner and waited. I had called Mike to tell him what was going on, but it was before the alarm had stopped. There was nothing I could do but sit and wait. By this time there were three police officers outside, chatting cheerfully about something. As I was updating my facebook status from my phone, the original officer tapped on the glass again. He told me to remain seated so as not to trip the alarm again, and said he had heard it would only be about five more minutes.
The owner arrived, unlocked the door and disarmed the alarm. She walked toward me with a look that said she was worried and horrified. I said calmly and clearly, "I am very angry." (See, isn't that grown-up and un-panicky of me?) She said something about how she understood and was sorry and I told her that it wasn't her fault because she wasn't there. She responded that it was her fault because this is her business. I recounted the experience for her. She said she knew I was scared and asked if there was anything she could do, and I said I didn't know right then, that I just wanted to go home. She said the door was open, and asked me to think about calling her the next day to let her know what she could do for me. I left at about 8:45pm.
Looking back on this, Thank Goodness I had to use the bathroom, or I may not have woken up for several hours! By that time, Mike would have been out of his mind with worry and unable to reach me, because I wouldn't have heard my phone.
I finally got home, and thankfully my Katy Rose was still up so I got an immediate boost to my mood and started to feel more stable. Mike handed me a drink when I came in (after I got my huggies from Katy). As much as I tried, I could not get to sleep later that night. I kept telling myself this is not that big a deal, there was no fire, no one was injured, nothing was damaged, and I am okay. But for some reason it really shook me up. I think it is because this is one of those things I would have listed on a master list of Things I Would Be Scared Of If It Could Happen To Me. I just didn't think it ever could or would happen to me. I ended up in the living room doing puzzles until I was too tired, and then finally fell asleep.
The next day was pretty cruddy. I had a headache and didn't feel all that great, but I plodded through. I thought and thought about what I wanted from the business owner and finally wrote down my thoughts and then called her. We had a good conversation in which she profusely apologized and explained that they actually do have closing-up procedures but they were not followed simply because the employees wanted to get out of work for the evening. I knew the employees were in the room, and it was even more clear they were present when she quickly and firmly added that this was not how they run their business. I asked to have at least a month added to my program because I felt that my scheduling had not been handled as well as I would have liked. She upgraded me to add three months to my program. I also mentioned that I didn't believe I could be comfortable going into the classroom again, even though my logical brain tells me this won't happen again. Apparently they have an "out of town" version of the program that includes the strobe light glasses and I can take the accelerations home on CD and I get to keep them. And she will include this for me at no charge. She also said she would be the coach for my next personal coaching session, and she would make sure there was someone available every week in case I wanted to have a mini-coaching session every week if I want to. So I was pretty pleased with our conversation.
Later that night, as I felt yuckier and yuckier throughout the day, I ended up getting sick. I thought it was food poisoning from lunch. Then I thought maybe my body was reacting to the stress of the night before. Alas, by Saturday morning I learned the truth--it was a 24-hr stomach bug. And the reason I know this is because both of my parents came down with it too. Ugh.
More than a week earlier, when Katy had the stomach bug, I taught her the word "sick." So on Friday, as I lay miserable on the couch and trying to take care of Katy as she bopped around, I explained to her that Mommy was sick. At first she cried, because she is so sensitive, and I think she first assumes that whatever it is applies to her and she didn't want to be sick again. Then she understood that it was Mommy who was sick, and not her, and what it really boiled down to is that Mommy wouldn't really play but she would watch TV and DVD's all day.
The cutest part of my whole weekend was when Katy came over to me when I was sitting up on the couch. Very gently, she stroked my arm from shoulder to elbow, and with concerned eyes and a soothing Mommy voice as if she knew what would make me feel better, said to me, "Mommy take a nap?" OH my goodness, I could hardly get over that. What a sweetheart! This 2-year-old business can be trying, but it can also be really awesome.
There is a quiz on About.com tells me I am 66% resilient. I don't know... I could have raged against that business owner for what I had to go through. I could have demanded all my money back and stormed out. I could have busted through a window instead of waiting for the owner to get there. I could have sued for psychological distress or something. I could have done anything opposite than what I did and most people probably would not have questioned it. But this experience, while I do admit it was traumatic, is not going to keep me from doing this program. I believe it's going to work for me, and one reason I truly believe it is because the first side effect I had from my program is incredible and immediate stress relief.
I'm not going to sleep very easy since Wed., and have had some tummy issues even after recovering from the stomach bug. Plus, I think about the incident a lot and replay it in my mind. I know these are things that need to resolve, and maybe writing about it here will help me to do that. I know I need to re-learn how to relax, but before I started this program I know I wouldn't have handled this quite so well. So, 66% eh? I think I might be more resilient than that!
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