Just in case you're wondering, yes, my pregnancy will probably be the underlying theme of WPSH episodes in the forseeable future. That said, it's time for an update now that my voice is back to normal and I am no longer able to crank call my friends with an unrecognizable voice. Now you know I'm an old lady, since it's been a long time since everyone and their brother got caller ID and crank calling stopped being any fun (gosh, whatever happened to the Jerky Boys?).
Anyway, being that I'm an old lady, this is the portion of the program where I start rambling about things that have happened to me lately. (To those WPSH addicts out there: you know you love it!)
Unless you haven't been paying attention, you have learned that I've failed the first challenge to my maternal instinct. Indeed, my baby is a girl, not a boy. Just between you and me, I'm totally stoked because frankly, girls are all I know. I love my six brothers-in-law, but they do not count as having brothers growing up.
Yesterday we had the annual chili cook-off at work. As you can imagine, I was SO grateful to come home to steak and a baked potato for dinner (did I mention how completely awesome my husband is?). It's just that I'm sure there's a limit on how many Tums I'm allowed to have in a day. The heartburn has been really weird, because some days I don't have it at all, and other days I get mad when it's mid morning and I can't figure out what in the world I ate for breakfast that could possibly give me heartburn. Actually, I probably know exactly what caused it. But being stubborn, I don't want to admit that I did this to myself. Someone else must take the fall for causing my misery, and since I don't share an office with anyone but the baby in my belly, I guess I'll have to make up an imaginary villain.
Part of the fun of going to a chili cook-off is getting to sample 25 varieties of chili. I quickly discovered I didn't like most of what I tried, but when I did find one I liked, it was nice to discover it liked me too. So much so that it wanted to spend the day with me. Right up front and nearly centered on my blouse. I quickly realized I didn't like it that much, but what could I say when I was also sprinkling the front of myself with crumbs after sampling all the varieties of cornbread? "Um, I don't think I'm ready to take our relationship to this level?"
Yes, in the last few days something has definitely changed. I'm not sure what day it was, but suddenly I woke up really pregnant. I know someone (I'm sure it's my imaginary heartburn-causing villain) implanted a balloon in my belly while I was sleeping. (As you know, this was incredibly difficult given my new status as a light sleeper.) Somewhere out there the villain sat with a little remote control, watching from afar. With a set of binoculars and a wicked chuckle, the "Inflate" button was pressed. And now, look at me. I'm only about halfway through this thing, but I read somewhere that most 1st-time moms don't show until 5 or 6 months along. Obviously, they weren't hounded by a little chuckling villain from afar.
So here I am, feeling pretty weird. I hope my little girl is having fun in there, because the balloon is taking up a lot of space. It feels like all my internal organs are getting squished. Heck, you could probably bounce a quarter off my belly. (Never in my life did I imagine saying that about any part of my body, least of all my inflated belly!) That's the problem with villains--they do what they want. So today I'm having a gourmet lunch that I'm really excited about, and the villain may or may not give me heartburn. I guess I'll just have to deal, because there's no way I'm not going to eat my PB & J!
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